I can't remember if I've mentioned it but shortly after I returned to work following my surgery, I got promoted to department manager of the cosmetics section of my store. I didn't particularly want the promotion; I knew what kind of extra stress and headaches a position in management entails but the extra money's useful. In my department we sell make up, bath products, hand lotions, sun block, face cleansers, wrinkle creams and
cheap and stinky
fine colognes and perfumes. The sheer volume of products we sell that are approved for use on skin but is classified as hazardous waste if the bottle gets broken or spilled scares me but that's a rant for another day.
Due to the astounding (even for Wal-Mart) amount of theft from the cologne section, the company decided to install locked glass display cases. Today, while helping a customer pick out a
nice little Calvin Kline knockoff, the three ounce tester bottle of Kiss cologne* (yes, as in the band) on another shelf spontaneously decided to jump. As it struck a shelf lower down, it broke open and poured its contents all over right foot. It was at this point that I realized that an entire bottle of scent that is experienced in its entirety, ceases to be cologne. To paraphrase a Simpsons character, it smells like burning.
The cologne quickly soaked into my sock and created an eeeeeeviiiiillllll aura that stayed with me throught the day. The people who suffered from bad allergies were lucky in that they were unable to smell me. Everyone else shouted things like "Oh God, what is that STINK?" and "I can't even get near you". Cologne and sweaty foot. Mmm what a combonation.** My sinuses have hated me all day and my throat is still on fire from the aura of chemical stench that followed me around until I was able to take a bath.
*There is too a Kiss cologne. http://tinyurl.com/43crf7
**I wasn't allowed to paint my face up but I did find a plastic gituar to make smashing motions with.