I swear they are trying to kill me

My cat Spud waits every morning for my alarm to go off. As soon as it does, he is always there with his funny, bossy, barking meow scuffing me and doing the pet me, feed me, do both at once routine.

So my alarm goes off and as usual I flail at it blindly to shut it off. I open my eyes just in time to see Spud, who is inches from my face, lower his head to ram it square on my nose with an audible thud. My startled exclamation of pain and my demand to know if he was trying to break my nose on purpose was met with a loud, joyful purr and an attempt to repeat the whole thing.

My fiancee slept on.

So now I've got a sore nose and an all day headache that won't go away. I can't help but wonder where the hell my cat got that steel plate for his head.