To the charming people who live next door:

Sir, I really don't know and don't care if she is the whore you think she is. I am, however, forced to agree to your assessment that she is "fucking pyscho".

Ma'am, you claim that he is a piece of shit and, in my eyes at least, he has not proven you wrong.

This being said, kindly take your weekend-long screaming match back inside your house before the cops take you both to jail like they did last Friday.

Regards,

Your annoyed neighbor.

P.S. I hear sirens approaching. Are they for you?

*Edit*

No sirens for them. They have shut up for the moment at least.